I can't tell you how many times I've taken a quiz where being a Buffy the Vampire Slayer character was a possible outcome and I got some random character from a show I've never watched. (Side note: BtVS is my favorite show of all time). I've taken quizzes on what kind of magical animal I am: unicorn; what kind of parent I am: helicopter; what kind of regular animal I am: swan; which character from Princess Bride I am: Buttercup; what strong female character I am: Xena, Princess Warrior—with a shady past. And this is the problem. I don't just take the quizzes, I put serious thought into why the hell I got Xena with a shady past. What question did I answer that made it seem like my past is sordid? Why does this matter? I'm Snow from Once Upon a Time, and if I were an eighties action hero I'd be Dalton, apparently played by a shirtless Patrick Swayze. I don't even know what movie this was from, but I'm sure I'd definitely karate chop The Man if he started creating trouble in my town. Dalton it is.
If I were a cartoon dog I'd apparently be Snoopy, and if I were a Sesame Street character I'd be Cookie Monster. But you wouldn't know that from my Facebook timeline because I didn't like the character description of Cookie Monster so I didn't share. That's how ridiculous I am. I didn't want my followers to see an unfavorable character descrip—as if a time sucking, soul sucking quiz saying I'm Cookie Monster is going to change the way people think about me. Or that they'd even stop in their scroll to see what Sesame Street character I actually am. Despite this reasonable realization, you can bet I still won't post the next one I dislike. Then I took a quiz that let me finally be a Buffy character, and I got Willow. I was super excited, but I did it outside Facebook and when I went to post it to my timeline I couldn't remember my password so it never made it to my page. But I'm seriously contemplating taking it again just so I can post it and show everyone that I'm Willow. Because I'm sure everyone is so interested in what character I am. This self-awareness does nothing to stop the addiction or stop me from wanting everyone to know I'm really Willow.
I was a little peeved when a quiz giving me the option of living in either the Buffy, Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings universe told me I belonged at Hogwarts. Now don't get me wrong, I love Harry Potter. Read all the books, saw all the movies. But I love Buffy more. So I didn't share it because I was upset. But once I thought about it for awhile, I realized that although I'm obsessed with BtVS, I'd probably much rather be able to use a wand to fight the villains as opposed to a drop kick. So it makes sense, you know?
Do you see how this has gotten serious? I'd like to think I'm not alone, that others are as obsessed with needing to know what character they are that they take every quiz they can. I've got a few friends who seem to be on the borderline of serious addiction, so it does make me feel a little better. That is, until my husband, after scrolling my timeline, asked me if I was going to take a quiz on what kind of chair I am. Even he thinks I have a problem.
Although the quiz fad is dying down, I'm still seeking them out. I have went to Zimbio.com at least three times this week to find new quizzes, like which Supernatural character are you? It was some dude from a later season I haven't seen yet. That was a disappointment. Which Modern Family character are you? Oh right, I already took that one. Gloria. It was way off. It's gotten bad, folks. I'm even taking quizzes I all ready took.
What happens when I'm out of quizzes to do? What will I do then? If I were Catholic I'd be giving quizzes up for Lent. But hey, at least I got a blog topic out of it, right? The addiction can't be that bad if it's helping me in some sort of abstract way. Right? Right?
You might say, that girl has way too much time on her hands. But I honestly don't. I am a mom, a wife, I work a full-time day job, I'm an editor with Booktrope publishing and I'm a writer working on my second book. And yet, here I am. Time suck.
Tell me you're addicted too. Please.